If Rex is found on a leash, then at the other end of it is an elderly biddy he twice outweighs. He drags her behind him, the way you or I might trail toilet paper under our shoes unaware. The frailer and more arthritic his owner, the more packed with sinewy muscle is Rex—it’s mathematical. It’s the law.
Of course, that’s if Rex is actually leashed. More commonly, Rex roams freely, hurtling toward whatever interests his nose most: particular trees, particularly small dogs, playgrounds full of preschoolers…
Today Rex’s path happens to cross with yours. You tell his owners, ‘This area’s not off-lead, actually’. You cringe as Rex drools onto your shoes while his owners reassure you.
‘Oh, Rex wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s really quite friendly.’
Rex proceeds to get friendly with your pant leg.
That is if Rex is in a good mood. It’s not so much that Rex flunked obedience school as that his owners never took him. His owners are convinced they’re in control. After all, Rex always listens to them… eventually.
Rex barks at you. Once, twice.
‘He’s only playing!’
Rex growls.
You take a step back.
He launches at you, sinking sharp teeth into the flesh of your leg.
You scream.
‘Get back here, Rex. Stop it. Stop it, Rex. Come here, Rex,’ his owners admonish, waving their arms about while Rex ignores them.
Rex grows bored of playing with you fairly quickly. (‘Rex!’) All in all, he’d rather go chase after some birds or find a chihuahua to menace. (‘Come here, boy!’) Flecks fly from his slathering maw as he withdraws from what’s left of your face. (‘Rex, get back here.’)
Rex wanders away.
His owners smile indulgently after his retreating powerful frame. ‘Good boy, Rex!’
Sometimes Rex is called a twee name like Fifi. Or Pixie. Please consider buyingmeacoffee or becoming a paid subscriber to support my writing. Thank you!
Many years ago, outside a hospital (of all places) I had to kill a dog that was gnawing on the leg of a terrified pregnant woman. The owner, a typically clueless middle-aged woman, stood passively watching and exclaiming that her "little darling" wouldn't ever hurt anyone... And then there was the time a large black dog attacked my two infant children in a playground - which, as one may imagine, did not end well for dog nor owner. Fortunately, dogs -even large aggressive ones - are easy to dispose of if you happen to know the correct techniques. Over the last four decades I've had to deal with five separate dog attacks (only one of which was directed against me personally) and in all five cases the owners were standing ineffectually as their animals attacked innocent people. I've never understood why people buy pets, but it is apparent that a condition of being permitted to own one ought to be the necessity of attending rigorous training courses for at least 12 months, on pain of having one's "little darling" removed and destroyed for non-compliance.