Grant Application for Testing Money Can’t Buy Happiness
Well-referenced and illustrated arguments to the contrary
GRANT PROPOSAL — INVESTIGATOR GRANT FUNDING COMMENCING 2021
Application ID: √All evil
CIA Surname: Volkov
A. Research Proposal (Response to Knowledge Gain criterion) (1 page)
THE USE OF BOATLOADS OF MONEY TO IMPROVE WELLBEING
In 2020, I earned… not enough money. Increasing the amount of money at my disposal is a major financial challenge. Although developing a budget has been proposed, it is yet unknown if such methods are effective.
I will use various credit cards to investigate the results of buying luxury goods on 1. improving my mood and 2. improving my health. Receiving boatloads of personal spending money is key to this research as it will enable me to lead a lavish lifestyle.
My track record of haemorrhaging money puts me in a unique position to conduct this research. Through my collaborators (various retail establishments), I will use this study to pump money into the economy and inform public health policy.
‘Money can be exchanged for goods and services’ (Simpson, 1993).
I request that my enemies, of which I have many, serve as the control group.
Experiment will run until funding dries up.
SUPPORT FOR PROPOSED RESEARCH
I am very much in favour.
OUTCOMES AND SIGNIFICANCE
The chief and sole investigator will be significantly richer.
ABBA. “Money, Money, Money”, Polar, 1974, Arrival, track A.
It won’t make me rich, but please share and subscribe, it means a lot anyway!