Logical Fallacies for a New Age

A world of pure imagination

Unconfirmation bias

The unconscious cherry-picking of evidence that feeds confirmation bias, though selective, at least acknowledges reality. Sure, you only took note of snooty Frenchmen, but at least your theory of Gallic rudeness was based on filing away observations. Gérard Depardieu really did let the elevator shut on your nose—you didn’t merely dream it. The maitre de’s lip really did curl when you attempted to order salade niçoise—you didn’t merely unfurl the mental image, like a mouldering red carpet, in your mind.

Confirmation bias—the logical fallacy of yesteryear—was like the light filtering in through a keyhole, illuminating but a sliver of the room. Now the room is pitch black—because you have tightly shut your eyes—and you are free to create the world whole cloth from imagination.

In unconfirmation bias, there is no need to corroborate anything. If someone was rude to you, they must have been French, thus proving the French are rude. It’s an endless ouroboros of self-sustaining ignorance where reality has been cut out of the picture entirely. Is your conversation partner correct about an easily verifiable statement of fact? That depends, is he wearing a mustard-coloured sweater that reminds you of your detested Great Aunt Margaret? Yes? The abominable liar!

Appeal to lack of authority

Never have I ever had the displeasure to meet such twits as I have on Twitter. You are free to argue that two plus two equals five (for sufficiently large values of 2) based on the fact that you are a professor of mathematics, however, it’s hardly compelling when your avatar is of an underage anime girl or Garfield the cat.

If your entire “argument” is the appeal to authority logical fallacy, then your name and title are a better handle than “MrKittyCat69”. I mean, at least call yourself Professor KittyCat69. Where, oh where, are the standards we used to have as a society? Now a dullard only has to work half as hard at being stupid.

The Empathy Trap

Empathy is useless—utterly worthless—unless it prompts compassionate, timely, and reasonable action. You can say “I understand how you feel, this must be difficult for you” but you’re better off removing your car from where it’s crushing my foot. “I know how you feel” and other thought-terminating therapy slogans have done us a world of disservice.

Of course, with the modern day moron, what’s more likely to happen is that their feelings are hurt by your anguished cry of “My foot!” and they snap “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it!” Coaxing and cajoling them to move their car will now be that much more difficult, having inadvertently (but naturally) triggered a guilt response. Guilt feels bad, therefore you, the cause of the guilt, are bad seems to be the—I hesitate to call it—logic.

Empathy is only laudable when it prompts a good action; feelings only need to be censured when given form in inappropriate expression. One would think this distinction were obvious—alas, Dear Reader, we are living in benighted times.

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Till next time…